At some point on your journey especially when you have done a lot of inner work, meditation and spiritual practices, when you have gone through a (or many) dark phases, you will gain consciousness and a feeling of peace and fulfilment. This spiritual journey will bring you closer to your true self - to your essence and maybe you will think that you finally have found yourself. As you have let go of unnecessary layers of conditioning, your ego seems to be dissolved or transformed into awareness and you just flow through life receiving all the synchronicities and abundance that you are meant to experience.
Then, suddenly, you stop flowing and slowly start doubting and it seems like all the old layers are trying to cover you again. Old topics come back and self-doubt and worry are accompanying them. You tell yourself it is all part of the process as you have been there many times but the more consciousness you gain the bigger the gaps are between those "down- phases" and that little voice in your head asks if you shouldn't have solved that by now. Shouldn't you be better and further as you grew so much?
It is not always easy to be human. We judge and deny and don't want to experience anything that we categorize as negative. We don't want to be on a low vibration - we simply want to be happy. Is that too much to ask? Is it possible to be constantly happy and at peace? If you look at some spiritual teachers, Gurus or monks and nuns it seems to be possible to live in peace with everything that is. Through acceptance and non-attachment though it is possible to find inner peace but if we live a normal life in society and not in an Ashram or a mountain secluded from the difficulties we have to face daily how much at peace can we be? I am very fond of the idea to go to an Ashram to deepen my spiritual practice but for some reason it never happened. Would it be escaping ? But why not live a life that is different, that is quiet and peaceful? We have to create the life we want and if you know what brings you joy go for it.
I think one of the biggest problems is that we often don't really know what we want. Sometimes unconsciously we are torn between things we think we like or want to attract into our lives and the thought we don't deserve or can't have them. This creates a confusing energy and we attract the opposite of what we think we want. We attract maybe what seems like chaos or struggle because we are not clear with our intentions. It is not easy to be so aware that our subconscious doesn't play a big part in our lives anymore. We can do the inner work and practice meditation but as humans with centuries and generations of conditioning we have so many layers of unaware thoughts. It just brings me back to the fact that we have to accept what is. Yes, do the work, go to therapy, become as aware as possible and meditate but also accept the fact that there will be internal and external processes in life that we cannot fully understand.
If you go to an Ashram or live secluded in the woods it might be peaceful for a while but if you are not conscious of your triggers, your inner world will show that and disturbances will arise from within through your mind. Of course you can also find more peace within when you are in a surrounding that is good for you and calms you down. Maybe we have to create both. Go to the woods and come back to see what has changed. Through spiritual practices we want to create inner peace so we are not disturb by our outer circumstances anymore. That is not a small goal to achieve but it is possible. It might take longer than we think and then our mind gets impatient and thinks we should be further already. And again we have to practice acceptance and don't get attached to these thoughts or to anything that is not our deepest essence really. It will take longer than one life for most of us to achieve enlightenment and in the meantime we have to enjoy life and also face the difficulties that arise. This earth, this life that we have here now is like school. We have to learn different lessons - or better we can choose to learn them. Whatever effort we put in is what we get out. Some lessons we won't enjoy and some will be more interesting. All of them will make us grow and bring us further in our development. We will meet amazing people we love and people we cannot stand or that trigger us. All in all there are certain things that have to be learned and done but we create the way it can look like - we are co-creators of our reality. How do you want to create your life? Do you want to rush through and hope that it's over soon or do you want to make the most out of it and accept the little or sometimes bigger struggles? Life is not always easy but we have the power to make it more pleasant and peaceful.
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